Jan. 5th, 2007

eide: a knitted mesh (mesh)
i'm somewhat worried we are going to get seriously mad again. But it hasn't happend yet which is good. There's even been happyness happening which is quite unusal really (big thankyous to the-happynes-making-people, hopefuly you know who you are).

Right now i feel like i need to piont out that our plurality is prolly one of the most functional things about us. We do a lot better as a team than any of us would seperately.
It's annoying sometimes to be both mad and plural because people assume they must be linked. I think our tendancey to dissosiate is linked to the PTSD but it's also to do with our autistic spectrum stuff (there's a side rant here about how growing up in the NT world and being forced to be as NT as possible is inherently traumatic for a spectrum person even if they don't experence the regular varitey of abusive stuff). And our pluraility does have soemthing to do with disosation even if it doesn't for other systems. But even allowing for that it's still the least mad thing about us (and anyway disatation is often quite sensible it's only madness if it gets out of control and habitual).
I couldn't do the stuff that i do on my own. I couldn't manage without [livejournal.com profile] judiff - she's got so much more motivation and determination than me. And i love the other kids too - so i can do looking after them far better than i can do looking after myeslf. And looking after them means doing some looking after myself stuff which is a bonus (i don't know how to do loving myself, i don't think i'm particularly loveable, and i can end up not doing any looking after myself stuff which tends to get messy in the long run).
I really hope the others never disapear like [livejournal.com profile] maisiemousie etc did.
I know [livejournal.com profile] judiff find me very annoying at times and it's quite difficult for me to out up with her stompyness. But i love her and i need her (it's ok to be co-dependant on system-mates isn't it?) and i think she's great (and i would say she was extreamly cool only me calling someone/thing cool prolly makes them uncool!). And the other kids are just lovely.

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