eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
i found out when we have the colonoscopy we'll be given valium and pethadine. I wouldn't want to have the procedure without them (it would be impossible with the sedation to relax our muslces anyway) but i'm rather worried who's going to come out when we're "high" and what they might say.
I'm prety sure someone else (prolly locket) came out and started talking when we had a light general anthestic for a gastroscoy 10 years ago because all the staff changed in how they related to us afterwards and kept using the phrase "good girl" (not just the slightly patronising middle aged male doctor but literally all the staff). I'm not sure how we were during the eye surgey - i think we were more deeply under for that but embrassingly i did get the giggles from the pre-med - i knew there was nothing to be laughing about but i just couldn't stop!
eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
it's been wierd lately (well chritmas is always wierd - it even messes with single-personality people's inner children)
i think either a new person is begining to show up or it's an old person who has been quiet for a long time (maybe Beth) but has changed a bit
eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
eveyone is haveing a difficult day today - [livejournal.com profile] judiff is just being generally stompy, [livejournal.com profile] dwoucke is overwealmed by eveything being christmassy - but it not acatuly being chritsmas today, locket has become particullay vocal about decribing things as either "good" or "naughty", i'm stressed after trying to sort some benfit stuff out over the phone (the local office is closed for refurbishment) and [livejournal.com profile] _gwyny has gotten really frigtend about unicorns
eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
sinse polyday i've been thinking about how polyamoury and multplicty fit together (but i haven't come to many conclusions)
I've also been wondering of the cadburys "my happiness" add camapin is a plural thing or not.
eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
For one of my art classes we're doing a self portatrit project (it doesn't hacve to be strictly repsresentional, we're planning it for homework and then spending the whole next session doing it). I'm torn between making a picture of my self (or maybe [livejournal.com profile] judiff's self because she rather likes that art class) or of all of us. Normally this is the kind of design decsion i'd explore in my sketch book or talk to the tutor/other class members about but that proably wouldn't be very safe in this case.
eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
wwe giot an optomerrty repeort yesterday - it's mostly jargon/test results i don't understand (it would help if i knew what the normal ranges for the tests were) but does say our eyes are inward-turning and dissosated - just like the rest of us then!
eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
So were we an i or a we at bicon? - a bit of both really. I was mostly all purpose slightly blended ludy when in groups and/or talking to people we don't know very well (and sometimes when talking to people we do know because it can get to be a habit) and then in more quite and private times we were more seperate. And all of us were depressed about being so glandy and ill.
[livejournal.com profile] judiff always struggles to be more independant and or at least to have more control over what we colectively do but in the end she isn't very good at dealing with people. So i end up having to sort things out (not that i'm particularly good at dealing with people but i'm considerably better at it than see is)
The strangest thing was realiseing how much [livejournal.com profile] dwoucke is in charge of our libido! It's me that has the grown-up feelings and deals with relationships but her who does the initial attraction. Once when [livejournal.com profile] oilrig was seeing a goth girl [livejournal.com profile] dwoucke called her "the pretty dolly" and kept wanting to stroke her! She did kind of see the evening events at bicon as a kind of toyshop of potential dollys to play with.

So is bicon different to real life? - thats a bit of both really too.
eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
so - off to bicon soon. i wonder if we will get to be an "i" or a "we" there?
eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
we finally made gwyny a journal - [livejournal.com profile] _gwyny. So far she has written 1 whole world (friends only) and then spent ages before she could bring herself to press upadate journal. But i think it's brilliant that she said anything at all. I don't know if she'll be able to get into the habit of writing and gradually comunicate more or not. Shes chosen to friend only people that she knows rather than people we as a group know so she hasn't even included [livejournal.com profile] maisiemousie which is a bit harsh. I don't know what she'll do if anyone else friends her. Helping her with her intrest list was fun anyway.
Next we'll have to sort out locket - she's perefctly capaable of speaking and wrting for herself but she's scared of computers which is a bit of a problem.

I've just noticed one of my knucles is bleeding slightly but i don't remeber doing anything to it that would have broken the skin - wierd
eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
we all talk to lourselves and we talk to each other. Mostly we manage to keep it inside. But sometimes (far too often) we find we've spoken out loud. Or that we are moving our lips and waving our hands around as if we were talking out loud which is almost as embrassing. [livejournal.com profile] dwoucke is particulary bad at keeping quiet and she sometimes makes quite personal comments about the things and people we are waklking past when we are out. I worry a lot that someone will take offence one day!
Thinking about who we comuincate with ourselves and each other i wonder if it would be helpful to talk more directly to gwyny. Just because she has prolems using words doesn't mean she doesn't understand them but i think we tend to be over influenced by her silence. But if the rest of us talk to her too much it might overwealm her - it's another of those balance things like prety much everthing else. Geting the balance is always difficult

hysteria?

Jul. 10th, 2004 04:20 pm
eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
if you read any of our other journals you'll know that we've beeen extremly busy and tyhen extramly tierd lately. I do keep thinking about stuff i want to write here but unfortunatly not when i've got the computer time.

One intersting but prolly not very uselful thing i found out is that metanl health professional not only catogorise all multiplicty as a form of dissoation but that they say that all dissoation is a form of hysteria.
Which sounds very insulting - because of the lay use of the word/idea of hysteria. But the offical view of hysteria is a a reaction to something overwealmimg which your mind/psyche can't otherwise cope with - which does sound like a sensible conceptualising of a lot of dissoation. Like [livejournal.com profile] judiff says if you are facing a truma an you really can't do fight or flight than dissosating is only sensible. The problem is when it can become a habit and/or you are using up so much of you enegry and time dissostainmg that you can't do much else (which is pretty much classic PTSD).
But of course not all plural people dissoate and not all cases of dissosation are harmful or habit-forming. But metal health professionals by defination only see the peole with problems so they end up with a very distorted view. Some people use the term disosative distress for when there is a problem which makes a lot more sense

retirment?

Jun. 26th, 2004 03:49 pm
eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
sometimes i think i should just go to sleep and let [livejournal.com profile] judiff run everything. She always seems to be more confident and motivated and practical than me - but she's not as good at getting on with people which could be a problem (i'm not always good at getting on with peole either but in comparison to [livejournal.com profile] judiff i'm gifted! Actually [livejournal.com profile] dwoucke has the best people skills - i'm not sure if that's all inate to her of because a 5 year old way of relateinmg to peole is just easyier). And people might freak out at an adult acting like a 9 year old.
eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
i've been wondering about making journals for gwyny and locket to be fair even though they'll probably never use them. Unfortiualty the usernames locket and gwyny are already taken and even getting them to think of other names seems too hard (i think theres a vague posibiltiy that if they are presented with ready made accounts that they don't have to do anything with or think about then they might just possibley use them oneday although i don't know if gwyny could cope with having to use words - but it would be so nise i she did). And if the rest of us chosed usernames they didn't like then that would be yest another barrier to them using the journals.
I keep meaning to write long posts about the nature of multiplicty and dissocsation etc but then i always seem to not have enough time. Even [livejournal.com profile] judiff is sufferning form not having enough time to get what she wants to say clear and put words around it - i thgink it's as much about us feeling muddled and sleepy and having slow/cloudy thinking precesses at the momnet as physically not having eough time but that's obviuosly a factor too - there does keep being stuff to do (mostly involing seaweed or our complisive knitting habit.
Today i used Lushes "Each Peach" massage bar it smeels really nice - sweeet and bouncey with not too much citrus but just enough to lift your spirits
eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
i'm supposed to be the sensible one - because i'm the adult. I don't actaully want to be grown-up and sensible today i want to curl up and sleep and read a little.
eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
making decisons can be difficult - we're trying to work out what to do after the end of the textiles corse, which is a bit scary because we've been working towards it for about 7 years. And everyone has there own opinions - which is fair enough. Only i end up as referee, trying to be fair to everyone and tryinig to put my own views forward - when i can actaully work out what my own views are beacsie they do get kind of blurred with everyones elses. I never seem to be as definate as say [livejournal.com profile] dwoucke or [livejournal.com profile] judiff
As the only adult, the one who is always on standby to deal with outside people, decsions about how we are in the world effect me more than the others. But i can't ignore everyones elses opinion (i don't want to ignore everyone elses opioin i just want to have the casting vote over ther things that i end up having to deal with). Sometimes it feels like i have the least choice and the most resonsobility (yes i'm in a bit of bad mood at the momment - we are all feeling stressed right now and maybe i'd see the dynamic a bit differntly somewhen else - but proabably not very differently)
eide: a knitted mesh (Default)
i feel that i should write something here. i keep playing with the settings and my profile but there never seems to be enough time to actaully write something. I think i'm a bit scared. And the kids always come first with using the computer time anyway. And then there's my singular perspective journal to write up
It's hard to know what to say about myself - i don't seem to have such a well developed sence of self as the others, even though i'm out most often. Sometimes i wonder if i am just a "front". I seem to be shaped by relating to the outside world and to other peope rather than just to know who i am. But maybe it's the others who are unusual. How does anyone know who they are anyway?
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